Well uh....it's just....the more I explore Marzy the more I realize that she is the only avatar that has felt like an authentic aspect of me. I've never explored myself like this so intimately and because of this it's quite scary. Marzy is a representation of an aspect of myself that was punished, silenced, and shunned for her qualities. (You can read more about this here.) And because of that I always felt ashamed of this aspect.
On top of that because I am exploring a part of myself that I've never bothered to nurture, it's intimidating to just look at....me. She's feisty, she's demanding, and she's peppy. It's exhilarating really. She's the cool version of me. Everything I always wanted to be. But of course abuse was part of my childhood so this part of myself never properly got channeled which led to anger issues, envy, and self hatred.
No other sona or avatar has made me feel this way. Maybe I AM Marzy. Not in a "I fully identify as Marzy and nothing else" but more like "I realize this is an aspect of myself I am exploring". I still acknowledge that Marzy is an avatar but one that really portrays what I always wanted to be. And now she's become my outlet for that.
Identity Crisis? Yeah she really had me there for a sec. until I was able to process these thoughts
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